julieann
Apr 24 2008, 12:48 AM
Name: Julieann
Gender: Female
Race: Rito
Class: Water sorcerer
Looks: She has long light blue hair withand pale green highlights, Light brown feathers that fade to white, a pointy pale yellow beak, light green eyes, she is somewhere in the five foot range, she is in the fat range of most people, she has long arms and her wings are regular size.
Clothes: She wears a blue green shirt and wears a white belt like thing, with a brown skirt, sometimes when she thinks that it is going to be cold she waers blue pants under here skirt.
Personality: Juliann is really shy especially around boys here age, when girls here age talk to her she could care less because she would rather mess around with the boys then other people her age, when she talks you feel as though you are talking to an angel.
Biography: Juliann lived normally as a very beatiful girl on Dragon Roost Island. One day she was talking with her friends when she saw a fire, near where she lived, so she ran as fast as she could because she could not fly yet. She made it to see that it was her house on fire! As fast as she could she ran to their well to put out the fire. In the bucket of th well their was a weird stone that she picked up and a vision came to her. She was in the middle of the ocean and a dragon was talking to her, it was Valoo. At first he was speaking in some weird langauge but quickly changed to her normal language saying, " This is one of my scales," Juliann looked at heself and noticed that she had grown wings. Valoo continued, " I know this is weird but you have a journey that you must start now, this scale is special as it also lets you control water." Julieann asked " What is my quest?" Valoo answered " You will figure out.
When she was out of her dream she knew what she must do and she took out a portion of the water in the well and sent it flying on the fire, suffocating the flames puttig it out. When she ran in to the houser her whole family had left and she looked at the note that said your family has been taken and scattered all over hyrule. So Juliann ran to the Ferry and went to Hyrule.
Weapon history: The special scale she found in the water.
Skills: Moving small portions of water at a time.
Starting place: Zora's River
Collin
Apr 24 2008, 04:30 PM
QUOTE
Looks: She has long light blue hair withand pale green highlights, Light brown feathers that fade to white, a pointy pale yellow beak, light green eyes, she is somewhere in the five foot range, she is in the fat range of most people, she has long arms and her wings are regular size.
Long sentence is long!
Looks good though, but really mind the long sentences. It's like talking real fast without taking a breather, eventualy you'll turn purple...
juliann
Apr 26 2008, 04:22 PM
Name: Juliann
Gender: Female
Race: Rito
Class: Water sorcerer
Looks: She has long light blue hair withand pale green highlights, Light brown feathers that fade to white, a pointy pale yellow beak, light green eyes. She is somewhere in the five foot range, she is in the fat range of most people, she has long arms and her wings are regular size.
Clothes: She wears a blue green shirt and wears a white belt like thing, with a brown skirt, sometimes when she thinks that it is going to be cold she waers blue pants under here skirt.
Personality: Juliann is really shy especially around boys here age, when girls here age talk to her she could care less because she would rather mess around with the boys then other people her age, when she talks you feel as though you are talking to an angel.
Biography: Juliann lived normally as a very beatiful girl on Dragon Roost Island. One day she was talking with her friends when she saw a fire, near where she lived, so she ran as fast as she could, as she could not fly yet. She made it to see that it was her house on fire! As fast as she could she ran to their well to put out the fire. In the bucket of th well their was a weird stone that she picked up and a vision came to her.
She was in the middle of the ocean and a dragon was talking to her, it was Valoo. At first he was speaking in some weird langauge but quickly changed to her normal language saying, " This is one of my scales," Juliann looked at heself and noticed that she had grown wings. Valoo continued, " I know this is weird but you have a journey that you must start now. This scale is special as it also lets you control water." Julieann asked " What is my quest?" Valoo answered " You will figure out."
When she was out of her dream she knew what she must do and she took out a portion of the water in the well and sent it flying on the fire, suffocating the flames putting it out. When she ran in to the house her whole family had left and she looked at the note that said your family has been taken and scattered all over hyrule. So Juliann ran to the Ferry and went to Hyrule.
Weapon history: The special scale she found in the water.
Skills: Moving small portions of water at a time.
Starting place: Zora's River
also can you delete julieanns.
Raeden
Apr 27 2008, 08:19 PM
You suck. There's actually a lost pasword link on this forum, like there is on any internet service that requires loging in. Here, I'll show you.

I merged them for you this time, but next time be smarter.
Now, I was gonna check your app but a movie came up.
juliann
Apr 27 2008, 10:46 PM
Sorry i meant username.
juliann
Apr 30 2008, 11:21 PM
Hello anyone out here.
Aure
May 1 2008, 05:48 AM
Yes, we're here. Although I don't usually check apps anymore, I'll give you some pointers. I'm missing "Age," and your looks, clothes and personality section should be longer. Write some additional stuff - it's your character, you probably have a lot more in your mind than you're telling us
juliann
May 9 2008, 03:51 PM
Name: Julieann
Gender: Female
Race: Rito
Age:14
Class: Water sorcerer
Looks: Julieann has deep blue hair that some say is a deep as the ocean, her eyes are just the same as her hair, her beak is curved at the end and is a vibrant yellow, her feathers start form a Dark brown that eventually fades to white, her skin has an orange hue, but it is pretty close to being a tan.
Clothes: Julieann wears a rich purple tunic, a somewhat light brown skirt, deep brown leggings that she wears under her skirt, a necklace she made out of cloth that keeps her special valoo scale ( explained in bio), she also wears a locket of a picture of her family.
Personality: The once very loud girl changed after the tradgedy of her family, she used to be very lively and be with many people but now she perfers to be alone and in silence, its not that she hates people its just that she thinks she can do things quicker than most people, her voice when you hear it though is a very beutiful voice that many people find it hard to forget about it.
Biography: Juliann lived normally as a very beatiful girl on Dragon Roost Island. One day she was talking with her friends when she saw a fire, near where she lived, so she ran as fast as she could because she could not fly yet. She made it to see that it was her house on fire! As fast as she could she ran to their well to put out the fire. In the bucket of the well their was a weird stone that she picked up and a vision came to her.
She was in the middle of the ocean and a dragon was talking to her, it was Valoo. At first he was speaking in some weird langauge but quickly changed to her normal language saying, " This is one of my scales," Juliann looked at heself and noticed that she had grown wings. Valoo continued, " I know this is weird but you have a journey that you must start now, this scale is special as it also lets you control water." Julieann asked " What is my quest?" Valoo answered " You will figure out."
When she was out of her dream she knew what she must do and she took out a portion of the water in the well and sent it flying on the fire, suffocating the flames putting the flames out. When she ran into the house her whole family had left. There was a note on the ground, so she looked at the note that said your family has been taken and scattered all over hyrule. So Juliann ran to the Ferry and went to Hyrule.
Weapon history: The special scale she found in the water.
Skills: Moving small portions of water at a time.
Starting place: Zora's River
Collin
May 9 2008, 05:26 PM
Again, long sentences are long.
QUOTE
The once very loud girl changed after the tradgedy of her family, she used to be very lively and be with many people but now she perfers to be alone and in silence, its not that she hates people its just that she thinks she can do things quicker than most people, her voice when you hear it though is a very beutiful voice that many people find it hard to forget about it.
This is one sentence that stops making sense nearing the end. I suggest you read once more, make shorter sentences and check the spelling and grammar a bit more. And I'm missing the item storage section.
The story looks okay so far.
juliann
May 9 2008, 08:57 PM
Name: Julieann
Gender: Female
Race: Rito
Age:14
Class: Water sorcerer
Looks: Julieann has deep blue hair that some say is a deep as the ocean, and her eyes are just the same as her hair, her beak is curved at the end and is a vibrant yellow. Julieann's feathers start form a Dark brown that eventually fades to white, her skin has an orange hue, but it is pretty close to being a tan.
Clothes: Julieann wears a rich purple tunic, a somewhat light brown skirt, and deep brown leggings that she wears under her skirt. Julieann also wears a necklace she made out of cloth that keeps her special valoo scale ( explained in bio), she also wears a locket of a picture of her family.
Personality: The once very loud girl changed after the tradgedy of her family. She used to be very lively and be with many people but now she perfers to be alone and in silence, its not that she hates people its just that she thinks she can do things quicker than most people. Her voice when you hear it though is a very beautiful voice that many people find it hard to forget about it.
Biography: Julieann lived normally as a very beatiful girl on Dragon Roost Island. One day she was talking with her friends when she saw a fire, near where she lived, so she ran as fast as she could because she could not fly yet. She made it to see that it was her house on fire! As fast as she could she ran to their well to put out the fire. In the bucket of the well their was a weird stone that she picked up and a vision came to her.
She was in the middle of the ocean and a dragon was talking to her, it was Valoo. At first he was speaking in some weird langauge but quickly changed to her normal language saying, " This is one of my scales," Julieann looked at heself and noticed that she had grown wings. Valoo continued, " I know this is weird but you have a journey that you must start now, this scale is special as it also lets you control water." Julieann asked " What is my quest?" Valoo answered " You will figure out."
When she was out of her dream she knew what she must do and she took out a portion of the water in the well and sent it flying on the fire, suffocating the flames putting the flames out. When she ran into the house her whole family had left. There was a note on the ground, so she looked at the note that said your family has been taken and scattered all over hyrule. So Julieann ran to the Ferry and went to Hyrule.
Item Storage: A belt with many small pockets she keeps her valoo scale, rupees, and note that her family is in Hyrule in these small pockets.
Weapon history: The special scale she found in the water.
Skills: Moving small portions of water at a time.
Starting place: Zora's River
Raeden
May 10 2008, 11:45 AM
Just to offer you some reassurance. I'll do everything within my power to go over this app before the end of the day. But first I'll have to go through twentysomething boring scientific articles.
Raeden
May 10 2008, 08:11 PM
Alright. You doubleposted your app in your last post, so I edited one out for your convenience. I see some typo's
and you tend to use the word "and" after a comma, but I tend to do that a lot too so I'll look past that. Your sentences are quite long sometimes, which is incidentally also a mistake I often make myself. You're getting my check, but I wanted to point these things out so that you may learn from them.
EDIT: Thanks Aure!
juliann
May 10 2008, 08:51 PM
The thing about the double post was that i saw some mistakes and made a second post afterwords, so sorry.
Name: Julieann
Gender: Female
Race: Rito
Age:14
Class: Water sorcerer
Looks: Julieann has deep blue hair that some say is a deep as the ocean and, her eyes are just the same as her hair, her beak is curved at the end and is a vibrant yellow. Julieann's feathers start form a Dark brown that eventually fades to white, her skin has an orange hue, but it is pretty close to being a tan.
Clothes: Julieann wears a rich purple tunic, a somewhat light brown skirt and, deep brown leggings that she wears under her skirt. Julieann also wears a necklace she made out of cloth that keeps her special valoo scale ( explained in bio), she also wears a locket of a picture of her family.
Personality: The once very loud girl changed after the tradgedy of her family. She used to be very lively and be with many people but now she perfers to be alone and in silence, its not that she hates people its just that she thinks she can do things quicker than most people. Her voice when you hear it though is a very beautiful voice that many people find it hard to forget about it.
Biography: Julieann lived normally as a very beatiful girl on Dragon Roost Island. One day she was talking with her friends when she saw a fire, near where she lived. Julieann ran as fast as she could because she could not fly yet. She made it to see that it was her house on fire! As fast as she could she ran to their well to put out the fire. In the bucket of the well their was a weird stone that she picked up and a vision came to her.
She was in the middle of the ocean and a dragon was talking to her, it was Valoo. At first he was speaking in some weird langauge but quickly changed to her normal language saying, " This is one of my scales." Julieann looked at heself and noticed that she had grown wings. Valoo continued, " I know this is weird but you have a journey that you must start now. This scale is special as it also lets you control water." Julieann asked " What is my quest?" Valoo answered " You will figure out."
When she was out of her dream she knew what she must do. Julieann took out a portion of the water in the well and sent it flying on the fire, suffocating the flames putting the flames out. When she ran into the house she noticed her whole family had left. There was a note on the ground, so she looked at the note that said Your family has been taken and scattered all over Hyrule. So Julieann ran to the Ferry and went to Hyrule.
Item Storage: A belt with many small pockets she keeps her valoo scale, rupees, and note that her family is in Hyrule in these small pockets.
Weapon history: The special scale she found in the water.
Skills: Moving small portions of water at a time.
Starting place: Zora's River
Aure
May 10 2008, 10:16 PM
QUOTE(Raeden ''John Walker' @ May 10 2008, 09:11 PM)

Alright. You doubleposted your app in your last post, so I edited one out for your convenience. I see some typo's and you tend to use the word "and" after a comma, but I tend to do that a lot too so I'll look past that. Your sentences are quite long sometimes, which is incidentally also a mistake I often make myself. You're getting my check, but I wanted to point these things out so that you may learn from them.
To be quite fair, comma usage before "and" is, unlike in Dutch, accepted in English and stylistically completely correct, if sometimes redundant. Check websites like
this one for more info. Using a comma
after "and" that does not introduce a parenthetical element is
not correct, such as in this sentence in your app:
QUOTE
some say is a deep as the ocean and, her eyes are just the same as her hair, her beak is curved at the end and is a vibrant yellow.
Another language issue is your use of capitals. Please do not capitalize:
QUOTE
feathers start form a Dark brown
...but do capitalize:
QUOTE
her special valoo scale ( explained in bio),
And while you're at it, remove the unnecessary space after the first parenthesis.
juliann
May 12 2008, 01:35 AM
I'm pretty sure i got everything you asked.
Name: Julieann
Gender: Female
Race: Rito
Age:14
Class: Water sorcerer
Looks: Julieann has deep blue hair that some say is a deep as the ocean, her eyes are just the same as her hair, her beak is curved at the end and is a vibrant yellow. Julieann's feathers start form a dark brown that eventually fades to white, her skin has an orange hue, but it is pretty close to being a tan.
Clothes: Julieann wears a rich purple tunic, a somewhat light brown skirt, deep brown leggings that she wears under her skirt. Julieann also wears a necklace she made out of silk that keeps her special Valoo scale (explained in bio), she also wears a locket of a picture of her family.
Personality: The once very loud girl changed after the tradgedy of her family. She used to be very lively and be with many people but now she perfers to be alone and in silence, its not that she hates people its just that she thinks she can do things quicker than most people. Her voice when you hear it though is a very beautiful voice that many people find it hard to forget about it.
Biography: Julieann lived normally as a very beautiful girl on Dragon Roost Island. One day she was talking with her friends when she saw a fire, near where she lived. Julieann ran as fast as she could because she could not fly yet. She made it to see that it was her house on fire! As fast as she could she ran to their well to put out the fire. In the bucket of the well their was a weird stone that she picked up and a vision came to her.
She was in the middle of the ocean and a dragon was talking to her, it was Valoo. At first he was speaking in some weird langauge but quickly changed to her normal language saying, " This is one of my scales." Julieann looked at heself and noticed that she had grown wings. Valoo continued, " I know this is weird but you have a journey that you must start now. This scale is special as it also lets you control water." Julieann asked " What is my quest?" Valoo answered " You will figure out."
When she was out of her dream she knew what she must do. Julieann took out a portion of the water in the well and sent it flying on the fire, suffocating the flames putting the flames out. When she ran into the house she noticed her whole family had left. There was a note on the ground, so she looked at the note that said Your family has been taken and scattered all over Hyrule. So Julieann ran to the Ferry and went to Hyrule.
Item Storage: A belt with many small pockets she keeps her valoo scale, rupees, and note that her family is in Hyrule in these small pockets.
Weapon history: The special scale she found in the water.
Skills: Moving small portions of water at a time.
Starting place: Zora's River
Collin
May 12 2008, 09:54 AM
I'm sorry, but I couldn't help noticing your email adress. And that there's eight accounts with a similar one, including a character that recently got accepted.
Care to explain?
juliann
May 13 2008, 12:20 AM
uhhhhh.. if your talking about Ventus that would be me ... and I made this one for my cousin who copied m email address.
Collin
May 13 2008, 05:03 PM
Yeah... But there's eight accounts using that email adress.
juliann
May 13 2008, 11:42 PM
Oh yeah those where my failed attempts and well i started a new one each time, so ya. Are you angry

.
Collin
May 21 2008, 11:17 AM
Well, I see no further reason to hold this character here. Let's approve it, I hope your cousin decides to come back and play for themselves though.
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